When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. ~Mark Twain
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~Chili Davis
There's something like a line of gold thread running through a man's words when he talks to his daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love itself. ~John Gregory Brown, Decorations in a Ruined Cemetery, 1994
I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. ~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. ~Jerry M. Wright
Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever. ~Don Marquis
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone
Dad, you're someone to look up to no matter how tall I've grown. ~Author Unknown
Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik
It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons. ~Johann Schiller
A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. ~Enid Bagnold
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